I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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