I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
