Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
