New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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