no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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