I'm pants shitting drunk right now
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You dont lie about slip and slides
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
