I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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