so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
