Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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