I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Floor bacon is actually really good
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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