Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
