He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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