Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
