broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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