try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
