And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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