if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
