She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just pee around me
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
