By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
