what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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