Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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