is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
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