i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
