Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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