So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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