so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
