Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
