return my video game
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
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