i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
