Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
