I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
worst night to have a conscience
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
