did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I said "one day" and that day is not today
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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