3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize