Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
