I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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