between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
What a dumb baby whore.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
