I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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