Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My breasts were aching with rage.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
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