It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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