im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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