so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
