Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
