Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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