My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
