you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
