so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
