True but thats because hes a fetus.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
