At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
