the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
