I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
What a dumb baby whore.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
