Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
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These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
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Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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