Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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