Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
