i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
