nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.