I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
