I want to walk on stilts...naked
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
