You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
