I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!