It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong