this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
