Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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