Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
