taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
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There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
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my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos