Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize