Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
