No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
