Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
