The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
