I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
COCAINE IS GR8
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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