Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
