How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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