he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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