Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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