11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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