I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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