weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
We need to rekindle our bromance
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Randomize
