Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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