Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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