I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
