my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment