i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"