I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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