apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
if only i could text you this smell
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.