New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU