This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
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I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
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I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.