are you so shy because you have an std?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
