Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
