The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
